Uselessness and Self Pity

Bedevilment – We had a feeling of Uselessness
Promise – That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear

Keeping in mind that The Promises come after working the 9th Step…making amends. Uselessness is where it begins.
With Anger comes the classic trap, the “noonday devil,”—a kind of listlessness or boredom in which nothing engages our interest or appeals to us. We wander about in prickly tedium, picking up one thing after another, tossing it down, sighing, wishing for another’s company but also dreading it, wondering how to get through a day that seems ninety hours long, nurturing bitter thoughts that trap us in the dark and tempt us to abandon our course. What’s the use? Nobody cares. Nothing matters, anyway. The translation of this thought is “self-pity,” a far better term than “laziness” or “sloth,” for it conveys both the utter melancholy of this condition and the self-centeredness on which it is founded.
The problem lay not in “bad thoughts” but in a process of bad thinking that is really wrong vision—seeing things from the perspective of our fears and fantasies (unrealities) rather than seeing things truly. Our demons within our soul destroy proper perspective on the world and thus prevent us from concentrating on the actual reality of our life, leading us further and further from our actual condition, making us try to solve problems that have not yet arisen and need never arise.
Treatment of this condition deftly outlines the “way of seeing” that sustains the way of life that is the spirituality of imperfection. It also underlies all later enumerations of the “fatal flaws” to which the human condition is subject, such as turning to our list of those we must make amends to and being “painstaking about this phase of our development.
As always, the trouble comes from failing to see the real issue. Anger, which is inevitable, is not to be squandered by focusing attention on the wrongs of others; rather, it should be directed at our own faults, and especially at how we have wronged others, thus moving us to make “amends”, to do something kind even for the people who have offended us.”
The cure? “Be real” Accept the reality that there is no exit from the human condition. Recognize that running away will not work, for we take these problems with us—they are where we are, and so we can escape them no more than we can escape ourselves.

Fear I Give You Back

Let these words from Native American poet, Joy Harjo sink deeply in. She writes from her personal experience of fear. Change the details to match your experience, but keep the essence of her message.

I release you, my beautiful and terrible fear.

I release you.
You were my beloved and hated twin, but now, I don’t know you as myself.
I release you with all the pain I would know at the death of my daughters.

You are not my blood anymore.

I give you back to the white soldiers who burned down my home, beheaded my children, raped and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who stole the food from our plates when we were starving.

I release you, fear, because you hold these scenes in front of me and I was born with eyes that can never close.
I release you, fear, so you can no longer keep me naked and frozen in the winter, or smothered under blankets in the summer.

I release you I release you I release you I release you

I am not afraid to be angry.
I am not afraid to rejoice.
I am not afraid to be black
I am not afraid to be white.
I am not afraid to be hungry.
I am not afraid to be full.
I am not afraid to be hated.
I am not afraid to be loved, to be loved, to be loved, and fear.

Oh, you have choked me, but I gave you the leash.
You have gutted me but I gave you the knife.
You have devoured me, but I laid myself across the fire.
I take myself back, fear.
You are not my shadow any longer.
I won’t hold you in my hands.

You can’t live in my eyes, my ears, my voice my belly, or in my heart my heart my heart my heart.

But come here fear. I am alive and you are so afraid of dying.

LOVE

Love is the most powerful emotion in all of our lives. If we share that seeking with others and embrace it from inside our heart we are more successful with all lifestyle changes resulting in an improved quality of living and performing.

There are many good approaches to make lifestyle changes that will improve your life’s quality including:

  • Meditation
  • Exercise
  • Relaxation, and
  • Self-care

Learning to live from my heart and not from my mind freed me of noise that lead to resentments, fear and anger. If I am still and let my feelings of love guide my journey I find peace.

It is your choice.

Acceptance of Shortcomings

“THE SPIRITUALITY OF IMPERFECTION”
by Ernest Kurtz

The acceptance of shortcomings is a strength. This message resounds, as always, in all traditions, loud and clear: Mistakes are part of being human. The real meaning of “sin” has to do not with committing evil deeds, not with willfully breaking laws, not even with the act of “falling short.” The term sin classically signifies not an action but the state of falling short, a situation of alienation from reality. One brilliance of Alcoholics Anonymous is that it never uses the term sin, a word hopelessly overloaded with convoluted meanings, but talks instead of the “defects of character” and the “shortcomings” of those who are “alcoholics.” For sin has become a word of religion, of absolutes; shortcomings are words of humanity, a concept in tune with the understanding that we are imperfect.
And if we do “fall short”? That very awareness of “falling short” implies two related realities: First, we are trying, and second, we need to try again. There is no failure here, for spirituality, as the ancients reminded over and over again, involves a continual falling down and getting back up again. That is why humility—the knowledge of our own imperfections—is so important, and that is why spirituality goes on and on and on, a never-ending adventure of coming to know ourselves, seeing ourselves clearly, learning to be at home with ourselves. The great need is for balance—when we are down, we need to get up; and when we are up, we need to remember that we have been, and certainly will be again, “down”.

It was a large meeting, well over two hundred people. At one end of the room stood the canister of regular coffee; at the other end, the pot of decaf. Conversation around the first coffeepot centered on a man who was clearly depressed and afraid.
“I just feel like I’m at the end of my rope,” he admitted. “It’s one damned thing after another. Nothing seems to be going right. This week my dog died, my kids came down with strep throat, I can’t keep my mind on my work, my wife and I are fighting constantly. I just don’t know how I’m going to make it.”
“Well, son,” an old-timer said gently, “at least you didn’t take a drink today.”
The conversation at the other end of the room centered on a man who exuded good cheer. “I just feel so wonderful,” he was saying. “What a week this has been! I got a promotion at work; my daughter is graduating from college with honors; my wife and I are like newly married lovers. And just yesterday I had the best golf game of my life!”
“It all sounds great,” another old-timer said gently. “But remember … you’re an alcoholic. Just one drink will destroy it all.

The point of Humility is to find a balance, that place in the middle of life’s teeter-totter that allows one foot to reside on the side of “god/saint/angel” and the other on the side of “worm/sinner/beast.” From this perspective, A.A.’s most significant contribution to the tradition of a spirituality of imperfection can be summed up in two words: sober alcoholic.

Spiritual Rules for Life

You shall be Holy to me… God said to Moses, Come up to me…”
Exodus 22:30-24:12

In this portion the translation of the title is ” spiritual rules”. The chapter sets out a series of rules; Moses prepares to detail them to the Israelites.

They are referred to as “mitzvot” and number 613. Interestingly 365 are “thou shall not” corresponding to the days of the year and 248 are “thou shall” corresponding to the number of joints in the body. Symbolizing that living these laws allows us to serve our Higher Power with all of our body and soul, all the time.

The laws are about worshiping other gods, kashrut (foods allowed to be eaten and those forbidden), business ethics and treatment of animals. God also provides an angel to protect the Israelites from their enemies, and warns the Israelites not to worship other gods.

Moses goes up to Mount Sinai to meet with God for 40 days and 40 nights. This all happens in addition to receiving the Ten Commandments.

Why does God beckon us to come? In Spiritual Renewal, we are seeking to be closer to the Sunlight of The Spirit, our souls are yearning for this relationship and it is given to us if we simply come to it.

What is it to be holy? It isthe result of doing the work and living by the “laws”. It is beyond human understanding and is there for us if we are willing.

It is the path of living more from our heart and less from our mind.

One of the things that spiritual renewal offers the individual is a sense of passion about living; the bonus is that it comes through humility.

ANGER

The truly humble person is unable to feel anger.

Sure, we get angry. Who doesn’t? But anger gets in the way of recovery and renewal. It’s all-consuming, a kind of undifferentiated negative energy that gets in our way. Anger colors everything. It immobilizes us. We get stuck in it. Anger is one of the many things that led us to our addiction.
If we can root out each of our addictions, one at a time, we might be able to find out how we got here in the first place. Not only will such a process of self-inquiry help, but without anger, it may no longer hurt.
In recovery, we transform our anger into humility-and bow our heads before God. Stop blaming yourself or those you love. Without humility, we can’t do Step Seven. What’s humility anyway? Simply a recognition that we’re not so great and that God is greater. That’s why we ask God to help us in the process of removing our shortcomings. In working our Twelve Step Program, we are partners with God, only God is a little more so.
When you feel yourself getting angry, look at yourself in a mirror. Think over why others may be angry at you. It’s a humbling experience.

Emotional Sobriety

This is the substance of a revealing letter which Bill Wilson wrote several years ago to a close friend who also had troubles with depression. The letter appeared in the “Grapevine” January, 1953.

EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY

“I think that many oldsters who have put our AA “booze cure” to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA, the development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance, urges quite appropriate to age seventeen, prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven and fifty-seven.

Since AA began, I´ve taken immense wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up emotionally and spiritually. My God, how painful it is to keep demanding the impossible, and how very painful to discover, finally, that all along we have had the cart before the horse. Then comes the final agony of seeing how awfully wrong we have been, but still finding ourselves unable to get off the emotional merry-go-round.

How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result, and so into easy, happy and good living. Well, that´s not only the neurotic´s problem, it´s the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all of our affairs.

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That´s the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it´s a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious, from which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream, be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden 閃r. Hyde’ becomes our main task.

I´ve recently come to believe that this can be achieved. I believe so because I begin to see many benighted ones, folks like you and me, commencing to get results. Last autumn, depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another long chronic spell. Considering the grief I´ve had with depressions, it wasn´t a bright prospect.

I kept asking myself “Why can´t the twelve steps work to release depression?” By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer … “it´s better to comfort than to be comforted.” Here was the formula, all right, but why didn´t it work?

Suddenly, I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute dependence, on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.

There wasn´t a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away.

Because I had over the years undergone a little spiritual development, the absolute quality of these frightful dependencies had never before been so starkly revealed. Reinforced by what grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed upon any act of circumstance whatsoever.

Then only could I be free to love as Francis did. Emotional and instinctual satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of having love, offering love, and expressing love appropriate to each relation of life.

Plainly, I could not avail myself to God´s love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn´t possibly do that so long as I was victimized by false dependencies.

For my dependence meant demand, a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.

While those words “absolute dependence” may look like a gimmick, they were the ones that helped to trigger my release into my present degree of stability and quietness of mind, qualities which I am now trying to consolidate by offering love to others regardless of the return to me.

This seems to be the primary healing circuit: an outgoing love of God´s creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love for us. It is most clear that the real current can´t flow until our paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.

If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand. Let us, with God´s help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love: we may then be able to gain emotional sobriety.

Of course, I haven´t offered you a really new idea — only a gimmick that has started to unhook several of my own hexes´ at depth. Nowadays, my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.”

Bill Wilson

Spiritual Crossroads

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear these words behind you:” This is the way to follow.” Isaiah 30:21

In a route chosen by God, a spiritual crossroad,  the people take the long road to Canaan, and are stopped by the Red Sea. The Israelites escape because of trusting God.
They cross the Red Sea after it miraculously opens for them escaping the Egyptian army, they are provided food from heaven to survive a barren wilderness, given enough to not have to prepare anything on the Sabbath and have water spring from the ground out of nowhere.
Even after all these miracles they still have the mindset of slaves and worry about surviving without their masters. They start complaining and planning their return to Egypt. The transformation to begin a new life is often difficult, but what is most unpleasant is usually best for us. Part of healing and embracing the Sunlight of the Spirit involves trust and faith.
Like us in spiritual renewal, the former slaves had to become comfortable with what was uncomfortable. Change takes time. There are comforts in slavery, similar to the comforts we have become accustomed to in life that sometimes lead us away from a connection with the Sunlight of the Spirit. We may think like a slave although we are seeking a spiritual life.
Persistence is key to a quality of life we seek.
It is the journey without destination. Along the way we may experience hardships, such is life. Our focus on being in the moment and trusting our Higher Power will produce what we seek.
Wherever you are on your journey move toward the light. It will illumine your heart and your path.

Addiction Is Everywhere-Stop Running From It

By Amber McChesney

Addiction is everywhere Stop running from it!

I saw her right away. She was dirty…had skimpy clothes on. Pale and thin. She was walking around the parking lot aimlessly, searching for someone to help her reach the goal of her next high.

Her veins were covered with bruises. She looked like someone who “normal” or “good” people should be afraid of. I can’t take my eyes off her.

Her eyes…they are empty. Big…bloodshot…black underneath, probably lack of sleep along with the damage from the hell she is caught up in.

The woman who was talking to me stops in mid-sentence and looks at her in disgust. She motions for another employee to call the police, they can’t have such trash around their business.

My mind immediately whispers. What if she knew my past…would she be afraid of me? This broken, empty, shell of a woman who is walking around outside …has never crossed my path before. I have never spoken a word to her…yet I know her so well.

Under the belly shirt she is wearing I see stretch marks across her stomach where she carried a human life……she is someone’s mother.

I don’t know her name, but I know her fears, her pain, and I can feel the emptiness inside of her soul. For a split second, we make eye contact and I swear at that moment chills swept over my body.
I wanted to take her pain…just erase the demon that has overtaken her body. Her mind…her life. I don’t feel afraid of her…I don’t judge her.

I want to run to her and save her. But I know I can’t. I see me in her. I look at the terrified employee, who has talked to me like I am one of the “normal” ones, and I say to her…. I was her. Don’t judge her, pray for her…the shame she feels day after day is worse than anything you can put on her. She just nodded and smiled.

It’s funny, we’ve spent so much time arguing not long ago about a flag. We’ve put so much effort into “fixing” that problem.
Why can’t we all come together and try to conquer a demon that is taking over the world our children are growing up in?

Addiction is everywhere you go. If we stopped running from it, maybe we could make a difference. It takes ONE person to make a change.

Never judge something that you know nothing about. If you can’t step up to the solution, keep your mouth closed about the problem. 😔

Mindfulness Coach Team

%d bloggers like this: